A FRESH START

Assalmualaikum readers ❤

i don want to talk much. this is my blogger and i deserve wrote everything. what i want to say is i feel like so tired of this world what i mean was tired of drama, tired to be someone else that is not me. i guess tired of everything. but sometimes i feel like so grateful because Allah have given me a chance to live. i woke up in the morning and have a new day, a fresh start and forget about the past. but no one can forget about the past but something you can do about the past is you learn from your mistake even though you don know if you do anything wrong. its been a while i didn't update my blog because i'm just to busy with my life, my work, my family and etc. well, you all have known that when you have grown up you have a bigger responsibilities. you  all become a women and a man. and sometimes i feel like give up on everything. my mind, my heart keep saying that i cant do this, i cant do that, i cannot do it, i don want to it so i stop from doing it but ended up i lost everything. like everything. i feel like so stress, i feel like giving up and i feel like so depressed. i want to stop but i cant because my journey dah setengah jalan. tak tahu setengah macam mane tapi setengah. i cant forget my past. i cant see the future because i keep thinking about my past. i really dont know what to do. what i want just a happy day. before i close my eyes forever, the last thing that i want is i make everyone happy and i wanna to see them smile because they are really proud of me because i have achieved my dream to become a successful women but its only in dunya. in akhirat i donn know. wallahualam. i really love my parents but i never say that i love them and they never hurt my feeling. never. but still i never say that "mama, i love you so much. papa, i love you and really adore you.  i really love my boyfriend but he always hurt my feeling but i keep saying to him that i really love him. stupid me i guess. yes, mmg aku berani tetapi bila depan orang tuaku, cakap i love you susah. penakut. kengkadang juga aku selalu merasa sakit. i don know sakit apa but lately its seem like gettin worse. and sometime i feel like i cant breath. oh allah, i am so scared. i have done a lot of mistake, i hurt my parents feeling, hurt everyone feeling. i am sorry. i hope that all of you forgive me. i want to go to hospital but like i said, im scared. i don want know the answer of my illness. im scared. im not ready yet. im not ready. i have a lot of debt. like a lot. x dapat dibayar dengan kebaikan. tak cukup. i dont know ape lagi nak cakap. ape yang aku taip semue yang aku rasa. oh dunya, akan ku tinggalkan kau satu hari nanti dalam keadaan yang aman. ini yang ku pinta darimu Allah